I’ve been waiting on God lately. Not walking. Not following while he walks or runs. Waiting. It’s agonizing. It’s like he told me to pitch my tent, build a campfire, and hang tight. Wait. For a while I thought I’d spend a night or two, pack up and he would be standing ready to lead me up the next trail…but it’s been months. I’ve been sitting in my tent, trying to go about my business and honor what he’s asked me to do. Stoke the fire. Gather food and cook it. Sleep. Repeat. All the while straining my eyes every hour, every minute, to see if he’s rounding the corner to tell me we are ready to set out again.
Exhausting. This is a faith exercise I’ve never experienced before. There is nothing I can do. Nothing I can say. He told me to wait while he goes and clears a path. If I started walking in the direction he went without him first coming to get me I would be disobeying, and my very actions would prove that I do not trust him.
I’ve been on adventures with him before where we are blazing the trail together. On those journeys I’ve seen miracles happen right before my eyes. Every step is in faith that he knows how to clear the way ahead of us. But this faith journey isn’t about following. It’s about trust.
Instead of hiking through the forest with him, he has left me in a cozy little camp: warm fire, plentiful food, and safety. Why is it so hard for me to see the joys of this blessing? I’m in a constant battle to enjoy the fact that Jesus is out laying the groundwork, making sure everything is ready for me. I’d rather be walking behind him and hacking away at branches or wading through icy streams. In my head I believe that any movement, even hard work, is better than this. But instead I get to experience beautiful sunrises and sunsets. I am able to rest. I must allow myself to enjoy this incredible gift.
This is one of the harder journeys I’ve been on with Christ, but I’ve also never felt his love for me in such a tangible way. This time he wants to pamper me with his love and show me that I don’t create miracles, he does. I don’t part seas, fell trees, and make paths. He does. He is able to do all of this without me even seeing it. He is putting his love and power on display. He is taking care of everything.
Psalm 23 (NLT)
1 The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3 He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
4 Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
5 You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord